Maintaining a Relationship with an Alzheimer's Diagnosis
“Every name that you won't recallEverything that you made by handEverything that you know by heartAnd I will try to connectAll the pieces you leftI will carry it onAnd let you forgetAnd I'll remember the yearsWhen your mind was clearHow the laughter and lifeFilled up this silent house”
Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks told AOL Music about this song “Silent House” (2006):
"This is a sad song that tries to be sweet... It's about my grandmother, my Nonna who has Alzheimer's. She's been suffering from it for over ten years. It just seems like the worst way to end your life, when you can't remember any of it. But she touched a lot of people, and we all remember. So this song is about that: it's okay to forget, I'll try and carry on. Because when they first start realizing they are forgetting is the saddest time. They're embarrassed. So it's almost better when they don't know what's going on."
As a caregiver for a loved one with Alzheimer's, it can be difficult to maintain a relationship in addition to the mounting stressors that come along with caring for a loved one. Often times when caring for a parent, there is a role reversal at play. Adjusting to that shift can be complicated, as the caregiver could also be struggling with mourning the loss of the person they once knew. While it is a complex situation, there are ways to react and adapt to this change that can make this difficult change more seamless for all those involved.Common personality and behavior changes you may see include:
- Becoming more angry, sad, scared or nervous
- Losing interest in things once enjoyed
- Hiding things or believing other people are hiding things
- Wandering away from home
- Pacing a lot
- Lashing out at you or others
- Misunderstanding what he or she sees or hears
Dealing with these changes can be wildly frustrating and even stir up anger or sadness for the caregiver. The challenge is accepting that there is nothing that can be done to change the diagnosis. But we can do things to continue to love and stay connected.Keeping it simple with the following suggestions can help:
- Just listen to them.
- The touch of a hand in silence can have a profound effect.
- Doing something they loved in the past such as visiting with a friend or family member, listening to favorite songs or preparing their favorite foods together can help.
- It’s also important to watch for cues and follow their lead. If looking at old scrapbooks brings up too many strong emotions or talking about loved ones they do not remember brings on agitation then discontinue the activity.
- Let go of the need for things to be a certain way. Many things do not make sense to our loved one and correcting them is not a helpful approach.
Just be with your loved one. Above all else make them feel loved! For other resources visit Alzheimer’s Society of America.
